Back of the VHS box: Thirty-five years after the violent death of a young boy's mother, mutilated corpses are discovered on a university campus, each body forming part of a macabre jigsaw puzzle that the police have to piece together.
Hey - they used one of my favorite words: macabre.
1983 radio spot transcript
(music box music plays)
Narrator: Which room is Debbie in? The bedroom? Could she be in the closet? Or the kitchen? Maybe she's in the basement? That's right. She's in all of them. Pieces. (chainsaw sound effect, woman screaming "NO!") You don't have to go to Texas for a chainsaw massacre. It's exactly what you think it is. Pieces. Absolutely no one under 17 admitted.
Immediately hilarious, with some of the worst dubbing I've ever seen. Did you know the New England Patriots were a pro football team in 1942? According to Pieces, that's a fact.
After our synth opening, we're on to groovin' rock, 40 years later, at a New England college.
Having gone to a college in New England, I think I can share some insight and confirm that yes, people do skateboard out of control throughout campus. Sometimes into a giant mirror, of course, but that's not the point.
Later, we're at a Pacific coast coll---er, still at the same campus, and, well, heads up!
As the plot continues to move into what appears to be a straight-forward murder mystery, we're then interrupted with an aerobics break?!
Christopher George and Linda Day were on quite a horror clip. On the very day I watched Pieces, I had earlier watched an NBC News report from 1983 (oh, really? That's unique for you, Trip) and sure enough was an ad for Mortuary) George died of a heart attack just a couple of months after these movies came out - what a way to go.
Whatever might be slow is brought back to life by the ending that you're hoping for, however brief it might be. "BOSTON HEALTH HOSPITALS" read the ambulance. Well, Pieces is a well-shot movie with curious editing. One that plays fast and loose with sound effects and score. I enjoy this a bit less than the usual viewing public, it appears, but there are enough quotes to at least give it a view...maybe I have to be in a different frame of mind to love it as others do, I'm not sure. As with so many other foreign films of the era, it almost seems like they were filming 2 movies at once and cut and pasted different elements in as needed. But that ending...just wanted to make sure you left the theater on a laugh!
#4 - Tales From the Quadead Zone (1987)
Back of the VHS box: none found
I wasn't 1 minute into this and all I could think of is "if Wesley Willis made a horror movie, this is it."
I'm at a loss.
"We waited a whole fuckin' hour fa ya."
#3 - Sleepaway Camp (1983)
Poster tagline: "... you won't be coming home!"
Look, all of us have seen this one. It is a sensational film. It doesn't belong anywhere NEAR Quadead Zone.
What the hell is something like this or The Children doing on this list? That's not trash, that's entertainment. Damn it, now I'm pissed off. Let Meg tell these Bloody Disgusting writers where they can go...
#2 - The Last Slumber Party (1988)
Back of the VHS: On their last day of high school, Linda, Tracy and Chris celebrate by having a slumber party at Linda's house. A few boys drop by and the beer flows like wine. Just good, clean, fun-loving kids.
But the gals have another visitor, one they don't yet know about. Hiding in the house is a homicidal maniac who has just escaped from a mental hospital. Armed with a scalpel, the nut slashes a little here, a little there as he sneaks from room to room.
One by one the guests start disappearing. What evil lurks there? What nightmare world have they entered? The plot of twisted inside out leaving you stunned and clinging to your chair as you witness shock after horrifying shock. The ending will leave you breathless. And now, the blood flows like wine.
Early on, we have a brief shot of a Volkswagen Thing, which was wisely used and appreciated.
This has some of the worst-mixed sound in a movie I've ever heard/seen...it's right up there with the episode of Barry back in 1996. That was, somewhat, on purpose...this...well, do you think this was on purpose?
There IS some good bullshitting by the teen guys, a nice touch of an LSU jersey...
"I was getting tired of booze anyway. Let's get high!"
"This is sick! This is not fucking funny. I'm not taking any more of this shit."
Special thanks to the Sesame Street poster prominently displayed in this scene.
A movie that barely makes it past an hour, plenty o synth, time capsule posters, wallpaper, people getting killed who act like they're getting a massage...is it real? A bad dream? This one is true video trash.
#1 - A Night to Dismember (1983)
Back of the VHS: When their lunatic sister Vicki Kent is let out of a mental hospital five years after supposedly stabbing two neighborhood boys to death, her vindictive brother Adam, and sister Mary will do anything to get her sent back to the asylum. An intense investigation builds when people in the town start waking up with their heads detached from their bodies! Dismemberment was the Kent family curse - watch them go Berzerk!
Viewers will be trembling as the senseless slaughter frows into a disgusting body count. Who will get wiped off the map next? NIGHT TO DISMEMBER - it will be a night you never forget. Warning! You will be graphically assaulted by decapitated heads, beating ripped-out hears and many grisly hatchet murders.
(With a warning like that, well, bring it on!)
My viewing of this movie, and discoveries afterwards, is a perfect summation of these 50 movies. What I saw was a strange mishmash of an initial shoot and later shoot with different looks and tones. Narration with swiftly delivered lines like "Susan had accidentally fallen on an axe; she was dead." The editing got more and more confusing. And so on... If anything, I thought this film had all the hallmarks of many within this list: a clear edit job without the original shoot's intent, dubbing gone wrong, and a re-release to get some quick cash. But why was this #1 on the list?
I am not alone in my confusion on "versions" it seems - 6 years later, another cut of the film comes out on video with Samantha Fox now as the lead with time-padded insert scenes to the film. Some producers claim the film was found "unfinished" and some (but not all) footage was lost in a fire. However, the cinematographer has an original cut from the initial filming that was, so I viewed, truly finished and released in Europe. No documentation of said screenings in Europe can be found, but...
What version I saw now confuses me - I almost think I saw someone else's edit? I honestly don't know. I struggled to care, and pretty much gave up after a while. However, if the whole idea of trash horror had to be summed up in one title, with everything: sound, editing, different "cuts" of the film, curious release patterns, confusing acting, and on we go...shit, this is it. This has it all. Low budget, edit and re-release on VHS, disagreements abound on what's the real cut, I mean...fuck. That's the Horror section of so many mom & pop video stores. That's the (for better or worse) entrepreneurial spirit of the horror genre. That's the EXACT thing Mike and I used to find 20+ years ago.
This quest took me nearly 3 years...mostly done in my spare time, here n' there. I didn't expect that it would take this long, but then again, I didn't expect all that I found. This was one hell of an overdue trip! Next, I'll detail my favorite finds on this journey. Thanks for watching with me...speaking of, when do we have to return the tapes?
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