Sheesh, all this time and I'm not even half-way through my commitment? Well then...I'd better step it up. For those finding this randomly (likely due to screen caps) here are the previous reviews:
#35 - Nightmare (1981)
(Not to be confused with Nightmares from 1983, a pleasure)
Back of the VHS Description: Nightmare is a terrifying trip into the mind of a man who is going mad - and trying desperately to stop himself. It begins with the very nightmare that is the source of all the terror to follow: A man named george is suffering through a graphic dream that depicts the axe murder of a love-making couple.
(That's it?)
A presentation from Goldmine Productions. I have to say, this was an interesting beginning: after the initial "scare" we get some knock-off Mike Post style music.
But once we get going, it's the usual schlock fare. I have to ask: just how much are we (the viewers) supposed to suspend belief? And I'm not even talking about the plot - merely the way its shot? I see what's happening, but the way it's done (say, a bad dream that is also a kill) is so slapdash that I'M the one that has to connect the dots that the filmmakers can't? (Ugh, preposition)
Whatever is there (in terms of a good idea, or random time capsule shots) is marred by things like juxtapositions in location when we're clearly in 1 setting, re-using shots (in walking scenes no less), and...ok, wasting too much energy on this one. The redeemable qualities it has includes:
1) Genuine Times Square / 42nd Street adult clubs from 1980
2) Seemingly off-air radio from North Carolina & South Carolina
3) A C/W bar called Gatsby's
4) A character who's clearly trying to look like Tommy Chong
5) A close-up of a TWA plane landing (along with the Orlando airport), 1980
So, not a complete and total waste.
#34 - The Abomination (1986)
Back of the VHS Description: Breaking out of a hauntingly real nightmare, adolescent Cody finds himself an unwilling host to a 5,000 year old beast multiplying within and tearing out of his tortured stomach!
He is terrified when he discovers that he has become a helpless slave to an army of formless, bloody monsters tucked away in every secluded corner of his home.
Unable to resist their commands, Cody finds himself on a killing rampage filled with chainsaws and decapitations attempting to feed these ravenous, evil beasts.
Soon a whole town is terrorized with blood and scum as young Cody is transformed into an evil maniacal puppet of terror. No one is safe anymore! Not his friends, not his boss, not his girlfriend, not his evangelical mother, and most definitely not the deceitful television evangelist, Brother Fogg.
Naturally, this film contains multiple graphic depictions of blood, guts, and slime!
(Yowzer!)
From the first few seconds, it's blood splashes, awful effects, gigantic blood-covered monsters, shots re-used, all with sleazo synth underneath. We are to understand that this film is written by...
While this ENTIRE MOVIE seems to have ADR dialogue & sound effects (Super 8, that'll do ya) this includes an excellent effect of a throat slashed. (I watched it 3 times, still couldn't figure out how they did it. Maybe he had the blood packed underneath? Who knows - must've been real.) As this happens the dialogue is "So you cut her throat?" "Yes." "Please go on."
The ADR is one thing, but when you have that going over an actor saying the same line just makes this seem dubbed. Which, of course, makes this whole movie all the more insane.
Favorite part: upon visiting Brother Fogg, it is implied that he's in the bathroom, as we see a hand reaching for toilet paper. We then are treated to 4 of the fakest-sounding farts this side of 2nd Grade. I was dying! He sprays air freshener (for good measure) and then doesn't wash his hands. Talk about terror!
Edward Tylor was the founding father of cultural anthropology. I wonder if there's such a thing as popular culture anthropology. Specific to the 70's & 80s. If not, it's something I'm starting to think that I founded: I've been studying all my life.
#33 - The Boogey Man (1980)
(Another one that was in theaters)
Back of VHS description: Look, it's insanely long and gives everything away, but it's Wizard Video, so here you go:
If we believe/know how much Halloween and Friday the 13th set the template for many a knock-off, they also set a template for construct of different plots. Let's say the theme might be the same, then it was that film's job to either give a subtle (or otherwise) nod to those films or give their own take. The crane shot to start is gold, and this is synth that would make anyone (even NFL Films) proud.
The hauntings Lacey is going through are psychological, but using this as the throughline for the gore, well, that's what sets this apart. Because instead of "crazy guy goes crazy", "crazy guy is STILL crazy", or "sane person goes crazy" it's instead the past. (Some sort of faux-exorcism aside) Just throwing this out there, but a question: if it's a single person (or persons) who caused harm in one's youth, does it only take their death to end the pain? The suffering? The, well, haunting?
For every 1 thing this movie does wrong (the music CUTS), it does 2 things right, be it awesome lighting, that super synth, Willie being seduced by, possibly, Laverne Defazio, (a very "of mice and men" ending to that scene), even a human shish kabob. Suzanna Love, too...hoo boy. With the good outweighing the bad, I'd recommend, but I also wonder if this film should be included in the list at all.
Moral of the story: Synth is forever good, and if someone had a traumatic experience in their youth - believe them!
#32 - Truth or Dare? A Critical Madness (1986)
Back of the VHS description: Truth or Dare, a child's game turned into a psychotic, twisted game of self-destruction. This non-stop psycho-thriller packed with action will assault you personally. Mike Strauber, played brilliantly by John Brace, formerly of the Burt Reynolds playhouse, brings you to the edge of your seat with passionate understanding coupled with unbridled hatred. If anyone ever asks you to play Truth or Dare, tell them you saw the movie.
The Burt Reynolds Playhouse
Did you get that credit, folks? I'm gonna say it again.
Immediate props for a topless scene right off the bat. Sadly, when it comes to the quality of the thing, it's the wrong things that are why this movie is even on the list. Honestly, it's all the other things that make this film memorable: driving scenes with the same synth beat that go on WAY too long, music that cuts when a scene ends and I mean cuts (and when that doesn't happen, it's music that stops and starts again within the same scene, with nothing different happening!), those phones that could be hung up on any flat surface, the complete lack of nuanced editing and pacing, synth accenting when a character hits a car interior...
Right here I was going to put a screen capture of a "head exploding" in a mental asylum but even that didn't even look like much, sad to say. So in sum:
One minute you're a mental hospital orderly, grooving out to music.
The next, the maniac has escaped, killing the music-lover and a patrolman, and then steals a car by missing the script supervisor's head by a good foot and a half.
#31 - The Uninvited (1987)
Back of the VHS description: Five young college students are about to receive an education in living terror.
At the Genetech Research Lab, Fort Lauderdale, Florida, scientists experiment at tampering with the forces of nature and unwittingly create a horrific and uncontrollable mutant creature. When a group of young college student crew a luxury yacht they fall prey to a series of bloody, murderous attacks.
One by one passengers encounter the killer mutant. Are the remaining survivors trapped in a floating coffin or can they return to the port on time...
(takes a sip of iced tea, clears throat, leans forward)
You know how many times, during this movie, I thought "OK, now I'm back on track! This is great!" There was some shit that brought me back to earth?
Good: (cat escaping) Scientist: Oh god, go get him! Get the cat!
Bad: You should have cut that scene to a reaction 2 seconds before you did.
Good: Claire Carey on a boat
Bad: Having awesome practical effects and then cutting away?!
Good: George Kennedy! On a break from playing Carter McKay on Dallas for this!
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