Wait a minute - the Houston Cougars are playing in the Southern regional...in Houston?!
A) I thought that wasn't allowed
B) "Actually, the NCAA bylaws state that as long as the arena was not used as the home venue---"
C) "(poop falls from old white guy's mouth)"
Why do you prefer the 2nd round of the NCAA tournament to the opening round?
A) The teams: these are the better teams that got over the hump
B) The matchups: the skill levels are closer together
C) The coverage:
During the Troy/Nebraska game, announcer Brandon Gaudin said it was a "pro-Nebraska" crowd in Oklahoma City. Who else is "pro-Nebraska"?
A) Swift Meats
B) Domestic and foreign alcohol companies
C) White supremacist groups
One of the oft-repeated ads during Day 1 was the return of NASCAR races on TNT. Thinking of auto races on a Turner branded channel, what comes to mind?
A) Smokeless tobacco sponsorships
B) Cale Yarborough
C) 2-minute-long commercials for "The Best of Conway Twitty"
The High Point / Wisconsin game from Portland, Oregon began at 10:50 AM. Why did it start so early in the day on the West Coast?
A) The NCAA thought it was in Portland, Maine
B) It was supposed to be 1:50 Pacific Time but "I guess someone goofed"
C) (old white guy glares)
During the High Point / Wisconsin game, Brad Nessler abruptly stopped talking during the end of the 1st half. What happened?
A) Prolonged belch
B) Yawn
C) Cleaning up the scotch he spilled on the table
GAH! Bruce Pearl is on TV? The fuck? Shit, you'd better
A) Hide your wallet
B) Hide your children
C) You yourself should hide
Watching Wisconsin lose brings you modest pride because
A) They didn't accept you at UW-Stout and you showed them
B) The Badgers season will end with the same amount of tournament wins as the Gophers
C) Giving shit to Doug at work tomorrow will be the High Point of your day
When March Madness hits, it's time to bend the rules at your home. You've defiantly told your wife that, as such, this means dinner can be "different": You and the kids can eat dinner while "watching the games." What else is "different" about tonight's dinner?
A) You're letting the kids drink Root Beer on a weekday
B) Tonight it's 2 Tombstone pizzas
C) The main course is dip
Fran McCaffery is taking his 5th different school to the tournament in his career. This span, from the 87-88 season to now, covers a lot of ground. In comparison, what have you done during that time?
A) Got married and bought property, both on the cheap
B) Went from Trainee to Shift Manager
C) Added (some) weight
Your wife can ask you all day long, but your mind is made up. You’re not going to
A) Throw away those NASCAR tapes even though the VCR doesn’t work anymore
B) Tell her where you put the “Celebrate Life” artwork she had on the living room wall
C) Split that sandwich with her
On your most recent trip to Red Owl, you couldn’t understand your wife’s list, and upon returning home she called her friend Cathy to talk about “the fiasco.” From now on, your wife said you’re only allowed to buy food at
A) a church bake sale
B) a gas station on a road trip
C) Menards
You burned your tongue on a “Cajun Buffalo Chicken Sandwich” – how will you get through the day?
A) Have a cup of the “crumbly” ice from the fountain at SuperAmerica
B) Enjoy a bowl o’ Butter Brickle
C) Make everyone around you uncomfortable while you eat a Dreamsicle
