As we wind this down, I do want to share a bit of levity as we finally get a break: The Big Scoop and her friends are (so they say) making a "movie." I asked of its plot, and was told "it's about an evil cult that murders people." Well, well. Considering her age, she's way past where I was at that time...
For those of you finding this randomly:
#50-#46
#45-#41
#40-#36
#35-#31
#30-#26
#25-#21
#20-#16
#15-#11
#10 - Hallucinations (1986)
Back of the VHS box: None found or (possibly) made
Oh that VHS audio feed...even on just black, you can hear it loud and clear. You could even say this video, being from the 80s, has computer graphics...inasmuch that's a computer screen showing the titles.
I don't know if this was made in the Midwest, but it has quite a few touchstones: snow on the lens, trouble with the snowplow, mouth-breathing, foam snow boots, Afghan blankets on the chairs and couches, and fake vomit. It also has the classic VHS lens flair from lamps, silhouette portraits, rotary phones, uneven audio, and ketchup-as-blood.
It's good, I suppose, knowing there are like-minded people to your interests, but I also felt like I was watching outtakes of one of our homemade videos from the 90s. If you made your own at any point, there's nothing here you haven't done yourself. If not, up to you if you want to see what people did with their time back then...
#9 - The Long Island Cannibal Massacre (1980)
Back of the VHS box: None found or (possibly) made
The is the lone title so far that has sadly eluded me in a way that is fiscally responsible. Do I want to spend $20 on a DVD? Perhaps, after I've seen it. I'll update this page once this is viewed.
#8 - Burial Ground (1981)
Back of the VHS box: The Earth Shall Tremble, graves shall open. They shall come among the living as messengers of death. And there shall be the nights of terror...an excursion into the twilight world of the undead. A chilling, brutal slice of horror. There's no escape from The Nights of Terror (the alternate title - ed.) And only the living will scream.
Mama Mia! Horror Italiano! Who says you can't use a Take Five rip-off during opening credits?
"Didn't you like my little show?"
"You look just like a little whore. But I like that."
"You're turning into a great little model."
"Well, then I deserve a raise in pay."
"You're getting a raise from me, all right, but it has nothing to do with money!"
The old "innards grab bag"
Apparently, only in Italy do they
1) have mothers who, when walked in on by their son, grab their clothing but don't put it on
2) use a museum's storage room as a gun range
3) have zombies with living skin on their hands and, on occasion, their head
4) question zombies as you would someone coming up to you randomly on the street
5) attempt to kill zombies with a pitchfork by hitting them over the head, or using it to "joust"
...and repeat. Stretched out to last as long as it does, even containing a few "wait, that shot should have been 5 seconds later" moments, there was one thing that impressed me. I know I/we discuss gore effects often in these reviews, but they did an amazing shot in the first 1/3rd of the movie of a zombie coming out of the ground that was sensational. I don't recommend this one, but don't want to give away that bit, either.
#7 - Things (1989)
Back of the VHS box: I only found the front...but the re-release DVDs doesn't make me optimistic.
What do you get when you put Super 8, all Casio instruments, Introduction to Film I and II, VHS player editing, moments where you're sure the "filmmakers" had no idea what they were doing but did it anyway just to get it done, driving shots that made it look like Morris & the Rookie had an actual car mount, dialogue repeated because no one remembered it was already said, cue cards, non-sensical gore, and dubbing worse than any film that's NOT in English? What I just listed is a lot of things; now you don't need to see Things.
#6 - Basket Case (1982)
Back of the VHS box: In the quaint town of Glens Falls, a very nervous Dr. Lifflander is suddenly attached by...well...something. Something very small, misshapen, and very mad. Something with a swollen, claw-like hand which rips the good doctor's face off.
BASKET CASE is about a young man who was born with a Siamese twin attached to his side. At an early age, the monstrous twin was surgically removed, but lived to deeply resent his cut-off day. His normal looking brother goes to New York, carrying a large basket wherever he goes. In the basket is the hideous twin. Neither brother can rest until they avenge their surgical separation by killing the doctors responsible.
A critically acclaimed horror classic, Rex Reed says, "BASKET CASE is the sickest movie I've ever seen." The San Francisco Chronicle calls it "A rare picnic for horror fans." It is a rare find in the tradition of ERASERHEAD and TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, you'll want to see it over and over again.
Well, this was a very pleasant surprise. Considering the plot, it is, at times, a slow-paced movie, but don't take that the wrong way - there are no wasted shots. The set dressing, thankfully, is provided by New York City in 1981. (What do you want bet that, after filming scenes with "blood" splattered everywhere, that they just left it there and no one then or in the future batted an eye?) Plus, even if it's a throwaway character - The Bag Lady!
You just don't see The Bag Lady around anymore. I remember on old Late Night episodes, Dave would mention them now and again and, upon arriving in Boston for school, they were always, slowly, on the streets. Perhaps a product of time and place.
(pouring wine)
Man: Listen, if I have any more, I'm liable...liable to-
Dr. Cutter: That's all right, I like you drunk. You're cute when you slobber.
(Phone rings)
Dr: Cutter: SHIT.
As with many films on this list, it's a no-star cast, but that doesn't matter if they give it their all and are eager to please. Trust me, this film is ridiculous in all the right parts.
Practical effects! Besides, when do you ever see the creature go insane?! Not against a person, but against its own lot in life? There's even stop motion! This movie has it all. By the way - how many times, in a low moment, have you found yourself sitting in a similar position, hashing out recent life choices?
The 3rd act flashbacks slow the film down, but they aren't bad. Besides, we all get back to it in time.
Hang in there, baby! This film shows what happens when you
go for it and things just work out. Strong recommendation. Seeing this film renewed my faith in hitting the finish line!
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