Christ the Hell

The sun may rise in the east, but it always sets where the gold turns to sand.

Good lord, though, with enough practice, anybody could take Joe Greene. Or George Blanda for that matter. In fantasy football, you'd want to start him at both quarterback and kicker. He'll hit you for 7 all by his lonesome. It's all just a matter of technique.

The thoroughbreads that burst from the college Machine every season have no direction and no empathy. The play-makers respond to the play-callers, and who the hell cares what else happens? Without coaching, this whole damn thing would be a waste of time. Pickup games for a dollar a point are fine and dandy when you find yourself in sweatpants and a Polk High tank-top out front of the Y with only 4 dollars in the sole of your New Balance kicks and 14 deals to make in the next fiscal cycle, but you wouldn't pay money to see that game. The coaches bring order, discipline. And more than that, they matter in Professional football.

Flip smokes cigarettes when he's pissed off, and jesus god, why shouldn't he? There are 10 million reasons Phil came back to coach the raper.

But hell, that's not what this is about. It's about the NFL. And these coaches, and how much they matter to the game. Can dumb idiots have success? Sure! Why not? Dumb Idiots have success everywhere in life. Why, just as I type this, there are some dumb idiots cavorting in a physical language unknown to the mouth-breathing steerage on this floor that would make the Pope weep, so to speak. And they get paid double and triple what I do, so who cares? The point isn't in the financial gap, it's the basic human condition, the fundamental principle by the name of Peter. Fuck all that, let's get back to the point.

The point is that success has to be sustained, and Mike Martz can't last. Dennis Green is a good coach, and if you don't think so, then you are wrong, and you'll have to sort of deal with that at some point. Mike Sherman? Sweet christ. Joe Gibbs, as Trip once said, is swindling money from The District, but why not? He's getting the job done with an inferior team. And he's not even a very good coach. It's just that when it comes down, and the last drive of the last game of the last season of your life is happening right in front of your eyes, you want Bill Parcells there. Even if he yells at the young kids. Because he Delivers.

The game has changed, and the heroes are dead. Brady? You must be kidding. Sure, he's great, but not in Minnesota, and if Gibbs had his way, Dillon's going straight up the middle every time because Joe still can't figure out why they took Happy Days off the air (thanks Denis). So when your coach is a bumbling idiot, when he can't even comprehend the fundamental nature of the game of Foot-balling, when he challenges the OPENING FUCKING KICKOFF - AND LOSES, you really don't have a chance at long-term success. Sorry Green Bay. Sorry Minnesota. Sorry St. Louis. Sorry Seattle. Sorry Houston. Sorry New York. Sorry New York (they city so nice they named two idiot-coached teams twice!).

But then again, Pete Carroll is a fucking genius now, so that about does it for this post. Welcome to the world, spuzzy!