Anticipation

The "Santana" winds were the gustiest of gusty as I ran down 3rd street. Time was of the essence...I could no longer sit on the telephone rehashing previous Midwestern events of which I was not involved. How can one get a "study aid" in time to not miss guests and programming? I was on the run.

Upon arrival, I immediately located the aisle where freaks, bozos, and those with too much gas look for a fix for the warm night. The directions said "safe as coffee." What was my reasoning for this? I saw an ad for it from a 1980 TV Guide. 25 years later, it'll do. The fine print included this nugget of information:

contains the caffeine of eight cups of coffee

My god, man. I don't think I've seen anyone this wired since the Blind Owl concert. I picked it up, and a package of those cookies with the M&Ms that are so good. Something to chase these down. Returning home, I wanted to make sure this went through the proper way: Steak, potatoes, salad. I shall eat like a king. Tiny Dancer came over, and it altered my night plan. Truth be told, there's something to be said for someone who doesn't have to be told the rules of football. Especially a girl. I don't care if they actually don't know...just don't ask me questions.

Well, it makes me wonder...how do I know everything? (Everything being stuff from rules to penalties, formations, fight songs, and the All-SEC cheerleading squad) I have no idea. I just do. You do too. Who knows from when or where.

Sports was to be the focus but she had other plans. My brainwaves were altered, and the pills never made it down. The end was nigh, and I laid, tired, having not achieved any of the ambitious madness I allotted myself for the evening. The depth charts hadn't been reviewed before the bet was placed. The Mariachi band was not ordered for the Padres celebration that was cancelled due to lack of interest. The Red Sox fans were not asked why they chant down 5 runs. My choice to degrade myself in every manner possible was thwarted by man's most important wish. There will be other games. There will be other dates. There will be other pills. As night turned to day, and the door shut...a terse note was nailed to the door.

"See you in court, swineface."

A man's achievement is never finished until the hammer comes down. It could be hardware given, change gate closed. Last bite of Sloppy Joe, last ounce of gin. Final flush, one more stoplight to home. We have games and they're increasing by the day. I shall seize them in the name of ribald tales and fortune.

Ay yingo, this tea goes through me like shit through a goose. Speaking of...