When I recall the start of this blog, 20 years ago, I can remember where I was then...not just physically (obviously) but mentally as well. My location physically may have been in a monitoring cell in Westwood by day, LA Nights, but mentally, for me, it was at a moment of forced change. A force I created for good, and over 2 years, I was correct. In that initial writing, I had hope for tomorrow with that occurring, and also for a space to let prose run free. Prose ignited via spirits, chemicals, or the creativity that runs through us all. Well, maybe a few of my friends. Or, it appears, years later...just me.
What else stands out when recalling this time 20 years ago is not change (which is welcome) but the metamorphosis of people changing while their environment changes around them, a process that occurs simultaneously and, on even a yearly basis, many might not even notice it at all. This change (a sliding scale of evolution and devolution) should be expected: two decades will do that. How it has manifest itself in my surroundings over this time only stands out for this reason: if I told anyone, back when this blog began, that in 20 years they'd be mentally & physically where they are now, I wonder their reaction. How many would embrace it, and how many others might look askew? In the end, I suppose it doesn't really mean anything - today is today, and as I continue to bark, evolution and devolution, tilting in both directions.
The thing is, though...I like writing. I don't know that I'm particularly good at it, but I like doing it. Of late on this page, I've pulled back a bit if only because I've caught myself writing about some banal things without the needed flair to make it interesting. Or, it's something interesting that I write (unknowingly) in such a matter of fact a way that it lacks the fervor that exists in my mind. Maybe I need to let that one sit a while, I think, and then I'm on to the next thing, the next experience, the next trip, so on.
In the first weeks of this blog, I said the point of "all this" (specifically, my topic of writing) was "bite the bullet" which is an oft-used way of saying "deal with it", which isn't any kind of sage advice or stellar writing for that matter. I also said we "Press on" which, again, is more of the same. I later tried to live by "everything works if you let it" because often times you can get in your own way. Doing that can make one impatient, and it can also make you, before you know it, quite lazy. This laziness leads to excuses no one wants to hear.
As I continue the search, I can't say there'll be any point, but I can say something that is repeated...mostly because my offspring is very random and selective on what she chooses to remember:
You have to make your own good days.
Sure, you'll have shit to get through, but once you get through it, you don't have to let it hang around. You don't have to let others' negativity inflect you. Each day won't be solid gold, but many, MANY more will be just fine. Make it good in your own way. Stop and reflect on what's gone right - it might be more than you remember.
Since I've taken this golden approach to heart, for real, I must admit it makes some uncomfortable because they're desperately trying to bring you down to their level. It means you have to clear out a lot of dead weight around you, tied to you, fervently reaching out to drag you to the depths, all to consume you and move on, leaving your decomposed carcass along the side.
Of the immediate and far off future, I can't say, but in looking over the historical signposts of 20 years, there's as much new now as there is the same. Is it going good? That's sensational - revel in it! Is it going OK? Maybe you can make it good. Is it poor? Shit? Well, what the fuck are you gonna do about it?! Make it happen. It's the golden life and golden way of life. Physically or mentally, your location can be there.
No comments:
Post a Comment