Dealmaking Today

I arrived on-time at this swanky eatery in Beverly Hills, but then again, one would expect that.  My old stomping grounds, but this was all scouted ahead of time.  I'm here to make deals.  

Look, I'm ready to discuss the security measures of biometric authentication in relation to my analytic needs.  I'm here to stress that the output must meet my need for utter consistency in reporting.  But that's cut and dry.  That's simply the facts and honestly, I wouldn't even want to sit anywhere, not just here, and listen to those details.  That isn't dealmaking.

My surroundings have led me to pass along the do's and don'ts of this deal so that others (not necessarily you, dear reader) don't make the screw ups I witnessed others heartily do during that morning's event.  That the deal had to be so early in the day wasn't what I would have chosen at all, but it just means you have to deal further.  

First, as I did, arrive on time.  If you don't, you're already at a disadvantage.  You'll then have to begin with apologies and will likely pay for the meal.  If you weren't planning on doing that, well, don't show up late.  I'll be pleased with the breakfast treat you get as a result...surprised, frankly, because I wasn't expecting this.  A tasty apology accepted.

Knowing your history helps with small talk, be it recent or decades ago.  I don't always like the small talk, but I've found knowing the history helps draw out nutty anecdotes, and I'd much rather hear about a crazy sales trip in Virginia Beach in 2002 than I would overhear the next table over talk about...whatever they're talking about.  

We've all seen the harried assistant arriving with obnoxiously large breakfast orders.  Thankfully, I never had to do that, but I remember those days.  But try not to act like an asshole when you're in the throes of your life choices.  In the wise words of Tony Manero "everybody's dump-dumping on everybody."  The entire restaurant will be pleased when you leave.

Have something unexpected to throw out in conversation.  I wouldn't call this news, but during the duration of this deal, that I knew Northwestern played half its football games this season in a park off Lake Michigan, that the old brown swanky shades were Foster Grant's, the nickname of Stetson University, and the name of a long-gone cable channel were all in my favor.   

This is the dance, and it is done.  There's the right way, and then there's all the way.  Unfortunately, the majority of America decided it wanted to return to an "I got mine, you get yours" economy.  I'll have to keep making deals.  A fresh peach tart on me: we aim for the future.