Long Live The Kid

Here I am, getting through a day made complicated by others.  Mindful of the winds and the air outside, constant squawking inside.  And yet, every now and then, I'm reminded of the news that Robert Evans is no longer physically at Woodland.  Oh yes, spiritually forever, but in body, he's in that great screening room in the sky.

I left the Sunset 5 in 2002 after seeing The Kid Stays in the Picture a changed man.  It wasn't a film about me...in fact, beyond my love of the swanky days, that was it.  "This movie changed my life."  How so, folks asked.  Well...beyond the fact that it's a long road...that you have to keep working, keep fighting...and, have you heard his voice?  Have you heard him tell a story?  Do you know of this gold?

And at the time, I worked at Paramount, where The Kid still had an office.  The movie showed you where...so I had to check it out for myself.  I wrote a congratulatory note (on company stationary, naturally) and walked over in anticipation.  He was out, but the secretary brought the note into his office. 

Her: "Can I tell him you stopped by?"
Me: "......wow"

Months later, a girl who was the receptionist at Entertainment Tonight (and worked at Hooters on weekends) told me to stop by.  We were friendly (she was a former intern) and said she had stacks of free DVDs the show received.  When I arrived, she handed me The Kid Stays in the Picture.  "I knew you'd want this one."  We'd never discussed it, but this became a gift shared with many friends.  It was when Dillon and I watched it that he said "You know, I think this is an audiobook."  Was I foolish to have not thought of that?  You bet your ass I was, pal. 

"I can't get it on CD, but I can get cassette."  That's right, cassette.  I said yes, because how could I say no?  Oh, there are many more tales than in the film.  It's the "complete audio work, uncensored."  Baby, uncensored is putting it mildly.  Vulgarities?  You know it.  The reviews on the back are better than any he received in his world of fickle flicks.  "Don't even try to put it down!" said The New York Times.

Evans' second act (or was it 22nd act?) continued apace.  But just a handful of years ago came book #2: "The Fat Lady Sang" - Part 2 of the Kid's life.  And if you think the anecdotes ended...if you thought the man slowed down...well, the Kid can't get out of this crazy town.  They won't let him.  He won't let himself, either.

On meeting babes early in his career:
"My pal Dickie Van Patten and I couldn't sing or dance, but with purpose we trolled the auditions for every Broadway audition castin' them long-stemmers.  Between the two of us, we never copped a part in a musical.  Never wanted to!  But we never missed out on coppin' a phone number."

During rehab from a stroke, a get well card from Liam Neeson:
"Dear Bob, Just heard about your penis implant in the hospital.  Congratulations on pulling thru.  Liam"

A trip in Spain in 1964:
"The road, bumpy.  The thermometer, tipping one hundred.  Yeah, but Rubi's ebullience was on high.  Me?  I didn't know what the fuck was going on."

On recovering from a brief marriage:
"It was Dodge City time.  I couldn't take the heat.  I had to get the hell out of there, and quick.  An hour later, I was limping down the beaches of Laguna, after checking into a nearby hotel under the alias Tony Lombardo."

On and on it goes...but while the first book ends with "Fuck 'em.  Fuck 'em all." the second has a much different attitude as the curtain closes...perhaps a much more thoughtful, and honest, appraisal of a legendary run in Hollywood:

"I'm still sitting in a front row seat."