The Fear was Real

Back in March, I wrote of a work change that I was nervously, yet cautiously optimistic towards...and that it was all OK.  I suppose, OK to have that fear.

Well, I was right and wrong.  Correct in fear, and wrong in this case, this specifically, because well, I was correct in the fear.  That's the easiest way to put it.  There's a phrase "go with your gut" for a reason.  And if your gut starts to send you grumbles, well, you hope that a fart, a burp, a dump...that will solve it.  Most times, it does.

But there are times your gut will just tell you no: whatever the decision is you made, your gut is telling you that you are wrong, that it always makes the right decisions, and just to show you again, it "calls the shots" if you will.

Day 1 and 2 were bad, but I kept telling people that I felt like the lost, confused new person in school.  No guidance counselors here, though.  No seniors to ask questions or to share advice.  I was mildly comforted with the positive statements that it's "normal" and that "it will get better."

Day 3.  A Wednesday.  April Fool's Day, ironically.  I sat and felt a huge sense of unease.  This was wrong.  All wrong.  The likelihood of it becoming right would not occur.  I wasn't immediately pessimistic, just seeing something with fresh eyes.  This needs to be changed, and fast.

So it's week 1, all done, and I bounce off this theory on professions this time...not the average getting-by folk that fills this town.  Not even the how, just the what.  What do you think?  Do you think the same way I do?  It was 50/50.

After week 2, my mind was made up.

The problem is this, and I share this to all that read my scribbling: I once said that real estate mistakes were the worst to make because it takes so long to correct.  While there is a great deal of truth to that, there are many ways (even over the long run) to solve that problem.  You find another apartment, you sell the house, you move.  You know your end date, good or bad, and do what you can.

Career mistakes, those dangled with fortunes, those are the worst.  Ambition is a great thing, but unless you work for yourself, someone else decides you can work somewhere else.  Hunt, call, write, but it's someone else saying "Yes."

Each day the groan, looking over the shoulder, ready for the inane...wondering why...the best of intentions leading to this and...

Oh shit, it's 6:00?  Another day...