The Perils of Programming: KCBS, July 20-21, 2013

Just how easy is it these days to program the weekends on a local station?  Well, you can forget about having to schedule aggressively, or even concern yourself with anyone else.  If anything, you'd be fighting a collective 6 share.  Doesn't seem worth it, does it?  And, as long as the FCC continues to let you do whatever the hell you want, well, you could just sit back and make money.  How?  I'm glad you asked.

I'm sure you've seen stations do this, but I hadn't seen such a give-up attitude from a network affiliate (let alone an owned network affiliate) than what KCBS put up this past weekend.  CBS Sports offered no programming over the weekend, so KCBS just opened the grid and made it a paid programming festival.

Saturday, 10-11AM, 11:30AM-4:30PM
Yes, folks, that's 6  hours of "I give up, just pay me" scheduling.  (The bump in the road was a completely random rerun of NewsRadio at 11AM, ranking 3rd in the time period)  How did it work out?  Well, as long as someone is watching it means people will want to be on the station, particularly on a good time of day.  Never mind that 3 of the 6 hours literally no one watched.  Cash on the barrel.

KABC's kids coverage, a show called "Recipe Rehab" and tape-delayed coverage of the British Open registered up to a 2.4 rating.  Outside of some tune-in of another Yankees-Red Sox game on KTTV, it was channel 7 or nothing for those not wanting to be outside on a summer afternoon.

This must have been KCBS's thought.  There's no need to go dark - let's do it again!

Sunday, 9:30-11:30AM, 1:00-5:00PM
Out of Face the Nation, the run of paid programming continued.  Lucky for them, Face the Nation's median viewer age hovers near 80, so the audience held a small percentage as they attempted to find the remote.  However, with sister station KCAL airing the Dodgers/Nationals game, KCBS' interruption from dicers and hair growth systems was the solid gold movie "Back to School."

"Do you look at a menu and say 'O.K.'?"

It was enough to outperform the paid runs on independent stations KTLA and KDOC.  Reality did begin to set in at 1PM, so as with the day before, half of this run saw no one watching.  Beyond the Dodgers, the LA viewer was left to wander.  "Doc told me to stay outta the sun, so I'm just flippin around."

The "give-up attitude" I mentioned above isn't so much an indictment to KCBS' blase-faire attitude as it is a clear view that, for them, the bottom line is the bottom line.  Regulations get weaker and weaker, and on the weekend turning a profit  is really the only goal.  Of course, if you asked anyone at the station, they'd speak of their attempts to have a "TV-everywhere" app to play on all platforms...which is well and good until they realize no one will be watching "everywhere" either if there's nothing to see.

...2-3-4

We're an American band, woooo hooo!
We're an American band, woooo hooo!
Yeah!

All right!  Thanks.  Can you guys hear us down there?  Dyn-o-mite!  Haha.  OK, let me take a gulp of the Coors...thanks, Duane.  What's next?

We could do "I'm not in love"

We should do that later, I think.  Like, near sunset.

Yeah, man, but that's, what, 4 hours from now?

Aren't we going to have the Bar-B-Q then?

Yeah, but are we gonna play afterward?

How about BTO?  "Ain't Seen Nothing Yet?"

Let's do "Hey You."

All right.     

(3 minutes later)

Hey You, sha la laaaaa la
Hey You, sha la laaaaa la
Yeah!

All right!  Now we're rockin'!  We are gonna party!  Hey, Janice, could you bring Russell a beer?  Whatever...Olympia, Schlitz...

How about some Stones?

Yeah...do you know the the parts for "Bitch?"

Um...is it...wait, I could do "Brown Sugar."

Cool, man.  I know that one.  You ready?

Gimme a second.  How does it start?

I'll do the part on guitar and then give you all the nod.  You know, "naa naa na naa na nanna NA NA."

Right on.

OK...uh, 2-3-4...