How long is today going to take? I know how much time this is going to take, but is this going to be one of those things where an hour goes by and you don't even notice? I remember being in truly boring classes in high school and watching the clock go s l o w l y by, and thinking to myself "shit, when Rockford is on, it goes way to fast." We all wish life was all about watching Rockford. Actually, it is for some folks who's reason for waking up is getting the paper.
So, then, Twins.
Again, I can't stress this enough - winning the division is absolutely key. Another 4 and done series with New York isn't the kind of deal they need. Oh sure, it could be done, but isn't it easier when you get to play the Oaklands of the world and take a rest? One thing Loud Mouth McWriter won't mention is how depressed the Tigers are. They play and live in Detroit. So, once things go south, and it happens, it will drag you down. Of course, the Twins know the majority of their fans are just now dusting off that cap, realizing their new Twins shirt will have to be XXL, replacing the last one bough in 2002. But it could be worse. Actually, in some respects it might actually be even. OK, forget I even mentioned it.
So, then, Balance Bar
If I need to shit right away, I'd eat cold nachos for breakfast. Wash it down with room temp Hamms. I thought you were about nutrition and vitamins and whatever. Hell, if you're barely going to stay in my body at all, what is the point? Then again, yesterday's exercise consisted of a walk around the lot and parallel parking my car, so what do I know?
So, then, Cubs
Wow. OK, in three years you've become the worst team in the league. Took longer than I thought. With minimal optimism, I suggest a new manager. I suggest new starting pitchers. I suggest new people in the front office. Hmmm, this should only take 12 years.
The summary of everything you read is actually "bite the bullet." If the really hot girl just wants to ask you questions about TV for two hours, just go with it. You'll "get to know her" later. If the guy at Carl's Jr. forgets to give you the correct order of fries, ask for a refund instead. If your landlord is channeling your father, just drop off the check and run like you just robbed a typewriter store. If a guy with a mullet is actually playing the "Eliminator" at the bowling alley, laugh once you're outside. You heard him say "Dude, what the fuck?" to a mechanical arm.
Why? Because tomorrow, college football. Because Sunday, more parlay money comes in. Because there's actually a bar called the "Fox Fire Room" and you will go to it.
Shit, only 19 minutes later?
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