It's my kinda team, Charlie

Why do you prefer the 2nd round of the NCAA tournament to the opening round?

A) The teams: these are the better teams that got over the hump

B) The matchups: the skill levels are closer together

C) The coverage: 

2026 March Madness Day 1 Quiz

During the Troy/Nebraska game, announcer Brandon Gaudin said it was a "pro-Nebraska" crowd in Oklahoma City.  Who else is "pro-Nebraska"?

A) Swift Meats

B) Domestic and foreign alcohol companies

C) White supremacist groups

One of the oft-repeated ads during Day 1 was the return of NASCAR races on TNT.  Thinking of auto races on a Turner branded channel, what comes to mind?

A) Smokeless tobacco sponsorships

B) Cale Yarborough

C) 2-minute-long commercials for "The Best of Conway Twitty" 

The High Point / Wisconsin game from Portland, Oregon began at 10:50 AM.  Why did it start so early in the day on the West Coast?

A) The NCAA thought it was in Portland, Maine

B) It was supposed to be 1:50 Pacific Time but "I guess someone goofed"

C) (old white guy glares)

During the High Point / Wisconsin game, Brad Nessler abruptly stopped talking during the end of the 1st half.  What happened?

A) Prolonged belch

B) Yawn

C) Cleaning up the scotch he spilled on the table

GAH!  Bruce Pearl is on TV?  The fuck?  Shit, you'd better

A) Hide your wallet

B) Hide your children

C) You yourself should hide

Watching Wisconsin lose brings you modest pride because

A) They didn't accept you at UW-Stout and you showed them

B) The Badgers season will end with the same amount of tournament wins as the Gophers

C) Giving shit to Doug at work tomorrow will be the High Point of your day

When March Madness hits, it's time to bend the rules at your home.  You've defiantly told your wife that, as such, this means dinner can be "different": You and the kids can eat dinner while "watching the games."  What else is "different" about tonight's dinner?

A) You're letting the kids drink Root Beer on a weekday

B) Tonight it's 2 Tombstone pizzas

C) The main course is dip

Spanning Time in Tournament Time

Fran McCaffery is taking his 5th different school to the tournament in his career.  This span, from the 87-88 season to now, covers a lot of ground.  In comparison, what have you done during that time?

A) Got married and bought property, both on the cheap

B) Went from Trainee to Shift Manager

C) Added (some) weight

"It's not gonna be like this all the time, right?"

Your wife can ask you all day long, but your mind is made up.  You’re not going to

A) Throw away those NASCAR tapes even though the VCR doesn’t work anymore

B) Tell her where you put the “Celebrate Life” artwork she had on the living room wall

C) Split that sandwich with her

I’m as real as a donut

On your most recent trip to Red Owl, you couldn’t understand your wife’s list, and upon returning home she called her friend Cathy to talk about “the fiasco.”  From now on, your wife said you’re only allowed to buy food at

A) a church bake sale

B) a gas station on a road trip

C) Menards

Sibley County Art Fair

You burned your tongue on a “Cajun Buffalo Chicken Sandwich” – how will you get through the day?

A) Have a cup of the “crumbly” ice from the fountain at SuperAmerica

B) Enjoy a bowl o’ Butter Brickle

C) Make everyone around you uncomfortable while you eat a Dreamsicle

Big Value Microwave Popcorn

Just before you took nap #1 last Saturday, your son and some of the neighborhood boys said they were going to work on a project in the garage.  You woke to your wife screaming “oh my god!” from the other end of the house.  Turns out your son and the neighborhood boys found

A) What happened to the cat that used to go into the garage a few years ago

B) Your 1997 copy of Playboy’s “Wet n Wild”

C) The log of peppered salami and steak knife you had “hidden” in the garage fridge

Jump Ball

We are in the shank of the college basketball season, college basketball betting season, that is.  I can't stay away, of course, and most days are a dive into the Ohio Valley Conference, odd letter combinations that mean something to 30,000 people and no one else, and byzantine combinations that are discussed far and wide.  I'm putting the effort into this, but what am I getting back?  Well, I'm getting back what I gave...shouldn't that be good enough?  I suppose, but aren't we trying to eventually cut a check?  Of course we are, and yet...

After weeks of ups and downs, last Saturday I went all over the board, nearly draining the account.  As the day progressed, some won, some lost.  I was overly concerned on a Southland Conference game (trying not to be concerned, of course).  Once the last Big West game ended, I looked: I had bet the equivalent of a meal for 2 at a "fancy" restaurant.  I made that back...plus $1.72.  I mused aloud to the Big Scoop "that's a lot out for that kind of profit."  She played along, stating that if I kept up that pace, I'd be able to get a "free" pack of Pokemon cards by next week.  Ask for motivation and you shall receive, I suppose.

The early part of this week brought a concerning thought: boredom.  A nagging voice on my shoulder said 'why go through all that?  Why not wait until college football?'  Suddenly, a voice appeared on my other shoulder.  'And wait 6, 7 months?  You don't understand what drives this man.'  I tried to appease both sides the other night by wagering not as much as Saturday, but a healthy portion.  Again, all over the map, throwing in even smaller schools for spice.  All this was up in the air, and it all came back...this time with 27 whole cents extra.

Considering the amount I've put up this month, I've essentially made interest on my account.  Better than the bank, I suppose.  I could take it or leave it, I guess.  Hey, it's almost March, and you know what that means...

Wait, where's that voice coming from?  I haven't checked the Horizon League, no.  All right, back we go...

What counts for normal

On a temperate, sun-kissed Sunday, I pulled up to the Ocean Towers in Santa Monica, ready for anything, I guess.  The valet seemed to give a disapproving look to my T shirt ("We Just Ruined Baseball") but I stood and waited.  I was then given a luggage cart and directed upwards.  I was politely greeted, and I entered a room with a view.  Me oh my, what a view.  You pay for a room with that kind of view, as you know, and that's why I was there.

1 year prior, not far from smoldering ash, this was even more prized real estate.  After a year of bouncing around, housesitting, whispered conversations, and finding out that no, you're not in good hands, she was able to return home.  I dragged out what I could for the first trip, and off we went in near silence.  

The glorious drive on PCH isn't usually filled with any negative emotion, but when I turned up Sunset, I realized I had to brace myself.  A banner that reads "Palisades Strong!" still stood a year later across the street from a former Mexican restaurant that still looks bombed out.  The turn up Palisades Drive was a bit different.  The swanky mini mall was repaired and open as if nothing had happened.  The Autumn rains had brought greenery.  Barricades were up for possible mudslides - nothing unusual.  I was nearly in a historic place when I was snapped to attention.  "Remember those buildings on the left?"  I did not.  All I saw was what looked like light poles.  In the flash of driving by, I was told "yeah, there were 2 condo buildings there.  They are going to rebuild one of them, I heard."  What I saw was, apparently, remnants of a parking lot.  On the way back down, I focused to see a bit of wreckage yet to be bulldozed out.  A magic trick vanished to time.

From the vantage point of her condo (and immediate surroundings), however...if you didn't know any better, nothing happened.  My mind was fooling me.  It was, until I walked in...bracing for the smell of old smoke, but instead it was that of new carpet and whatever scent is used by Stanley Steamer.  Most everything is still here.  I hauled up suitcase after suitcase.  A dinner menu from that evening just days before everything else went down still sits on a table.  I wonder if it's specifically there as a moment in time, or if she's afraid to toss it out.  

"You know, for a while I didn't want to come back.  Just find me a studio in Santa Monica or something.  But I've done a 360.  I wanted to get back here when I could.  It's home."  Fully understanding, I made a bed while she attempted to amble around.  Chores done, back for round 2.  I tried to relax but realized my attempt to help turned into a hostage situation: no food, no drink, no talk.  The ladies of my house asked why I was doing it.  I'd normally say no, maybe just volunteer money...but she's been nearly homeless a year.  I'm continuing to revisit that decision.

Back down the PCH after round 2, exhausted, I reiterate that I can't stay as she was already told: the Rams game is at 3:30.  "Are you sure you can't come Tuesday?"  Darn my full-time job.  Mentally, I broke right then.  Everything else was a "no."  She was dropped off and another valet could see my annoyance levels overdone.  

Well, what do I have to be annoyed with?  Shit, my house still stands.  Nothing has really changed for me over the past 12 months; I haven't had to move a family around.  Winding through Brentwood on the way back, eating "in case of Earthquake" food from my car, I eventually realized this was the kind of shit that used to happen, that had always happened.  I thought it'd be different post-fire, but no...this was "the usual."  And that's what I get for wanting the usual and "normal" back in my life: spending all day in the car, passive aggressive statements galore.  I allowed it to happen.  I shouldn't have expected any different.

Speaking of passive, I then tried to passively watch the Rams game, realized I couldn't, and then ate like a madman at dinner afterwards in "celebration."  Action on one's own terms, I suppose.  There would be no return the following day, so instead I sat with my neighbor's dogs, drinking iced tea, soaking in warmth.  All the dogs wanted was an acknowledgement of yes, you're a good pup.  That's good, because it's all I had left to give.