I was in a celebratory mood for clear reasons, and reached out to many local folks whom I classify as friends. "Let's meet for lunch! On me - just name the day and place!" They were happy, too. A vague range of time was listed in response. "OK - just let me know!"
I never heard back.
One meet up was planned. Hours before the beginning, I was told that they "didn't have their best stuff today" and that they had to cancel. "But would Friday work? Next week is also wide open." I asked if they would have their 'best stuff' on Friday. This was treated as an insult. What the fuck does that even mean? We're friends, if something is actually going down, I kind of expect you to be honest with me.
Are we really friends? And what does that mean as an adult?
These recent developments lead me to reflect way back. In college and especially high school, friendship meant a fiercely loyal group of folks who were always there for you as you were for them...with planning not something really needed in advance. It's helpful when, for example, Jerry has someone like Kramer to say "Hey, you wanna go up with me to the Bronx and see if there's any flyers on George's car?" "Sure!" was the response, but it could have been anything, right?
I'm not as lucky in adulthood as Jerry, it seems. (Oh, it's obvious) When same-day cancellations occur twice, I often sit back to see if I hear anything in the future. It doesn't take a genius to, when not receiving any communication through months later, realize that it's simply not worth your time. You're not worth their time, either. As such, reflection of this topic brought up a half-dozen people who want to meet Wednesday..."sorry, Darvez, I have to cancel...how's next week looking?"...and off they go, into the wind, never to be heard from again. Oh, every once in a blue moon something else reminds them of me and I get a text from a number not in my phone. "Happy New Year! We should get together soon!" Uh...let's keep it vague, right? That's the lesson here?
Occasionally you'll hear a person on TV (character or person), or maybe even in real life, say something like "I only have 3 friends." The audience, or others in the room, consider it a glib statement and that it couldn't possibly be true. But stop and think about it. Experience what I do, and you can't help but feel the same way.
And it's good having acquaintances, and it's good to not be on social media, and it's good running into people at events. But when the "we should meet up" comes around, all it takes is a simple "Yes! When do you want to do that? (Well...) Let me know" to cut that down. You can be polite and not bullshit me...
Oh who am I kidding. I live in Dealville. This is the currency.
