I'm One

Smile.  Head down.  Chop wood.  Quiet.  Check in and out.  Thankful and grateful.

But...I look out the window...the view, me oh my.  Breathe.  Relax.  Lean back.

Arrive.  Sit anywhere.  Take it in.  Listen.  Ask questions.  Get more tea.

Absorb.  Collect.  Look over, again and again.  Learn.

Stand in the sun.  Reflect, but just for a moment.  It's beginning.

All of this, I keep to myself.  Well, 90%.  OK, maybe 85%. 

I wouldn't say I've done a lot of "strange" things for a living.  Most have been at conventional locations, organizations known out here.  When you have to explain it, you can find out right away the kind of person you're talking to: and if that and any other conversations go further.  Shit, that's just the job.  Some places encouraged a healthy happy hour vibe, at work and not at work.  Others, I'd pair off with 1 or 2 people.  We all remember the places where you were the odd man out.

Part of the fun of having real friendships that span time is to see that people can evolve and change, but if they're truly your friend, it takes little for it to "feel like old times."  It doesn't mean things are the same, or that you'd want them to be.  It's the connection.  I wouldn't limit that to a person, either.  Your favorite sport, restaurant, vacation spot, doesn't matter. 

It's not easy when the "old neighborhood" changes and it's not the same as your youth.  Sometimes, awesome restaurants and bars close.  The friends you made there equally disappear.  Your vacation spot is now not as "off the beaten path" as before.  You still like listening to The Best of Heatwave, but now not everyone in the car agrees. 

What's new?  Well, don't you want to find out?  Can we watch college football and eat snacks, like always?  Of course we can.  But once the games are over, we're going for a bike ride?  Instead of drinking more beer on the couch, solo?  Shit, ain't that something?!

Looking Forward

A few years ago, I returned to my monitoring cell in Beverly Hills and saw the sun setting over the swankiest zip code in America.  I was confident in the future, and I was making it happen.  A self-referential moment, I liked where my life was headed.  It was a step up. 

And then, right after I took a step up...I fell down the flight of stairs.

And now, after all of the bullshit, I begin again.  Not doing the items of the past, but the goal all along.  Future-thinking, forward-thinking, all that shines.  I haven't had to live as much of a shell game as right now, but at least it's a game.  At least you get another chance to win...or keep playing. 

As I've said in the past, in this town, what you do is the 2nd, sometimes 1st question people ask (so they can judge and rank you, of course).  But if you want to live in polite company and not tell people to shove off, so it goes. 

It's great being normal again.  Now, on to the list.  New desk chair?  Yeah, but...look, 1984 Stars in Motion LA Olympics T shirt.  And...purchased.