"You'll be going to Maui to see how 'off season' life goes for locals, and look for ocean life. Tickets and itinerary enclosed. Story due by end of the month." Shit, I lucked out on this one...I think? Best not to guess where they sent Drew...if he went, or will write for that matter.
I was taking some comfort until I met with Drew at a celebration I held up the coast. There, surrounded by booze and food, Drew took the microphone and began to regale the audience with comedic anecdotes about me and Smiley, and continued in this entertaining fashion until the conclusion. Everyone applauded, Drew received multiple compliments (heartiest from me, as you can imagine) and then Smiley and I both spoke aloud Drew's writing abilities. But...here I am going to Maui. Whether it's fair or not, off I flew...
When people say Hawaii time, they don't mean time of day, they mean "pace of life." This takes some adjusting to, whether on vacation or assignment from Dealville. In Dealville, you're hustling to be one step ahead. But in Maui, though no one will say it to your face, you feel it real quick: Stop worrying about everything. No one else is in a hurry. No one else needs anything more than another rum drink. So, just...
(Sighs and reflects)
Finding locals, away from tourist areas (off the beaten path and otherwise) is not easy. The locals know this, and they know their meal ticket is tourism. It sure as hell isn't its OWN inertia, or ease of making a living. In fact, those who do find it supremely difficult. But that's not the face you see. The face (unless they're retired, which is a "loving this life" face) is still smiling and welcome. No shakedown...no pity story. The reason: the weather and each other. They're all on the same wavelength.
Getting on a boat and going elsewhere helped find ocean life, but it also brought a rough case of seasickness. We made our way over to Lana'i, though not on our own charter it would seem. The cool waters calmed my nerves, and underwater, we rightly saw oddities...
The Trumpet Fish (among others) continue to send reminders of a whole world out of sight...and continuing wonder. Even saw an underwater spider...or so it seemed. (I hope the editor doesn't mind because...yeah, I didn't want to investigate) Sea turtles continue to be a searchable item...though it ended in taking the road often traveled. This is something to avoid highly, because if you think the mouth-breathing set has trouble enough walking...imagine them in water, with new snorkel gear, having never done it before in their life.
There I stayed, in one spot, without making a scene. The fish were doing their thing, and then - there it is.
(Note: Not said turtle, but this one is saying hello)
The turtle was doing its thing, well aware it was in a high traffic area. It began to swim toward me, so I had to do some quick thinking. I did nothing. If this sea turtle wants to say hello, have me carry it somewhere, or attempt to gnaw on my arm, it'll do it. I'm in his house. (her house? I have no idea) Word must have shouted along dry land. At that moment, the flailing brigade began to surround me, kicking me wildly with their fins, and pointing with flabby, surprised limbs. The water was shook up, and the lack of space was making it hard for me to concentrate. All the while, here comes the turtle. Ol' Lumber's slo-mo action was enough to eventually scare off everyone...but me. The turtle came up to my side, lifted its fin, and patted me on the back. It swam on. Like the picture you see above, it was a rare moment when nature, in its element, is happy to see you.
As a result, you would think underwater would be the place to be at all times. It's easy to get away from the masses and meet new creatures. I hasten to remind the reader (and realized it too late for myself) that the Pacific is an angry sea. It is large, the ground shakes under it, and man has placed a belt of garbage that floats in it and washes ashore. Hell, we even wrote two years ago about these waves. Sadly, I had to turn down a snorkel day to remain on land while Smiley continued the underwater adventure. Doing so gave me the chance to get the local vibe.
I was laying under palm trees, listening to the wind and waves help my recovery, when I heard two female voices. They seemed to have a decent amount of vocal fry from smoking, and, just in conversation, I could tell they held the inside story. One woman's dog wandered over and stayed next to me (because I can apparently communicate with animals) and that brought the lowdown.
One of the pair was a lifelong native: "I don't look it, huh? Lived here my whole life. But I did live in southern California for a few years. You know Costa Mesa?" Ah...my predictions were correct.
"Yeah...they want people living here to do the work, but I wish people from the mainland came over here because it gets done faster. You know that area by the airport? All that stuff by the Costco? TWO YEARS." I nodded in agreement, not really knowing what she was talking about, but understood that this E-Z mindset meets local-needed construction, and no one really wins. Meanwhile, making a living isn't easy. The dog owner cleans condos, having to balance the time off as a good/bad thing. "Been doing this for 23 years. Used to be really busy. Did 3 turnovers a day." She also shared the nugget that "Canadians are the worst tippers." Must have been the bad exchange rate for all those years.
I went back to lie down as she went back to her friend, but since her dog was now by my side, I kept my ears tuned to their convo. Could I glean some wisdom from local's life by eavesdropping?
"My neighbor comes over with a 20-pound bag of pepperoni from Pizza Hut! She says 'Hey - want some pepperoni?' I said 'I don't like pepperoni that much.'" "Where did she get that?" "From Pizza Hut. I swear, she's always coming over with stuff like that."
There you go, folks. That's the real life in Maui: random giant bags of pepperoni, shipped directly to the island. After the "Holy Gold!" take in of the weather, and the quick acceptance of the lifestyle pace, it's sink or swim. Sinking isn't the worst thing in Maui...the turtles will be there to lend a hand.
