Saturday, November 22, 2008
Thursday, November 06, 2008
We Can't Afford To Look This Cheap
Green's getting moved around these days, big stacks flowing and not much in the way of taxes, so I guess it's coming up triple cherry and we should all be happy. I know optimism is running high here in the Land Of Hot Dish, despite a dark cloud descending on my brethren the world-round. But that's not really what's this about. The machine will keep driving, fueled by credits and debits, but we're talking about cash deals here, big dollars and the big consequences. For the little guy.
I'm trying to be eyes-open about the whole thing, to see some sort of complete view, but I keep coming back to the feeling of being dragged down by the ignorance and apathy all around. Current situations dictate a sameness, rooting to one spot and riding out the coming white wave. And on its face, as long as there are some breaks, I can handle that. But the reward has to be there, I have to make it real. We mortgaged our winter, but at least we didn't mortgage our house. The cash creates relief, in that department at least. Hell the only point of staying is to eventually leave, and that makes perfect sense in this place. All the while though, I am accutely aware you have HEARD THIS TALK BEFORE. It's how we do it around here.
All I can do is what I used to do when I got in trouble in grade school, and that is assure the teacher with all of my conviction (and a lot of my acting) that I will make the appropriate changes, that we will do this and that we're doing what's best for the moment. I'd be hogg tied and painted blue if I didn't have moments of extreme anxiety though... certainly when looking around and seeing friends dress their children for Halloween (does nobody watch Myers Part 4 anymore? Cops Do It By The Book? Anybody?). It's not nerves, it's not regret, it's a swirling vortex of inaction, and if you look it dead in the eye, it can fucking wreck you like Medusa.
So what do we do? We revel in the cash, and we stash it. We create an environment conducive to future travels, we remind ourselves of our true destiny, and we wait. We can do that. It's not so bad, having a companion is absolutely essential. Conversations with those around us dead-end into matters of absolutely no importance, but that's fine. Yes, we will talk about recipes and television. Whatever. As long as Napier does not drift far from my mind. Tiny reminders, menu items at M&S pulled from the same Panama beaches we surfed on, dispatches from the outer rims that call to us, yes, but also tell us that they will STILL BE THERE.
What was that Eliot said? In a minute there is time for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse? Well, that's where we are. Stuck in that minute, but the seconds tick off, decisions to be made, just not right now.
Until that big bird lifts off and we find ourselves nose-first towards a shining shore of unknown adventure, we'll buy off the rack and order like we've been here before. Because we can be TWO things at the same time.
We can be here, and there.
I'm trying to be eyes-open about the whole thing, to see some sort of complete view, but I keep coming back to the feeling of being dragged down by the ignorance and apathy all around. Current situations dictate a sameness, rooting to one spot and riding out the coming white wave. And on its face, as long as there are some breaks, I can handle that. But the reward has to be there, I have to make it real. We mortgaged our winter, but at least we didn't mortgage our house. The cash creates relief, in that department at least. Hell the only point of staying is to eventually leave, and that makes perfect sense in this place. All the while though, I am accutely aware you have HEARD THIS TALK BEFORE. It's how we do it around here.
All I can do is what I used to do when I got in trouble in grade school, and that is assure the teacher with all of my conviction (and a lot of my acting) that I will make the appropriate changes, that we will do this and that we're doing what's best for the moment. I'd be hogg tied and painted blue if I didn't have moments of extreme anxiety though... certainly when looking around and seeing friends dress their children for Halloween (does nobody watch Myers Part 4 anymore? Cops Do It By The Book? Anybody?). It's not nerves, it's not regret, it's a swirling vortex of inaction, and if you look it dead in the eye, it can fucking wreck you like Medusa.
So what do we do? We revel in the cash, and we stash it. We create an environment conducive to future travels, we remind ourselves of our true destiny, and we wait. We can do that. It's not so bad, having a companion is absolutely essential. Conversations with those around us dead-end into matters of absolutely no importance, but that's fine. Yes, we will talk about recipes and television. Whatever. As long as Napier does not drift far from my mind. Tiny reminders, menu items at M&S pulled from the same Panama beaches we surfed on, dispatches from the outer rims that call to us, yes, but also tell us that they will STILL BE THERE.
What was that Eliot said? In a minute there is time for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse? Well, that's where we are. Stuck in that minute, but the seconds tick off, decisions to be made, just not right now.
Until that big bird lifts off and we find ourselves nose-first towards a shining shore of unknown adventure, we'll buy off the rack and order like we've been here before. Because we can be TWO things at the same time.
We can be here, and there.
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