That's the way it's done

“I’d like to cancel the order. In fact, I have some equipment I’d like to sell.”


I’m almost tempted not to write about the Dodgers, because each day adds a new wrinkle. And wrinkles aren’t the kind of shit that makes anything look better. At first it was the good news: “Slimy” Steve Soboroff has left the team. His role seemed to mainly talk up what a great guy Frank McCourt is to the entire world. He couldn’t find a lot of interested parties and, seeing the financial documents, conveniently left his job…on a Sunday. Remember that, because…

MONDAY, Frank files for bankruptcy. That’s bad. Frank has no money. Bud wisely nixes Frank’s mysterious Fox Sports deal since court documents show Frank planned on taking half the cash from a multi-billion dollar deal and sharing it with his wife. This was, you know, to pay their legal fees. Fees encountered in a divorce proceeding.

The Dodge then hit Minnesota, unknowingly on “Get a hit, get an RBI for free” night. That’s good. Hey, I’ve been there, Twins fans. We were swept by Dusty Baker. We slept knowing the slow process of Bud taking over the team was at hand. But the wheeler-dealer had one more math problem on his sheet.

If you had to choose between these two loans, which would you take?

A. 7% interest, no fee

B. 10% interest, $4.5 million fee

Now, since you are smart, you’ve chosen A. But how good are you at losing money? How good are you at spending money you don’t have? If you are a champion of bleeding money (yours and others), well, you choose B. And you use that as evidence that all is well. Paychecks WILL be sent out on Thursday. No forfeits for the next few weeks! This is a good choice if you are a complete and utter moron. Or, Frank McCourt. Remember this folks, because there will be another “deal” soon, where he’ll save the day by overspending and trying his hardest to show you how he saved!

“Change the Channel”

A recent trip to Las Vegas enlarged a shocking trend. It was the furthering of television show slot machines, and that all of this was at the expense of table games. Want to try “Paradise Poker?” Oh, I bet you don’t like the odds. But check this out, a Password Slot! Match 5 Marty Allen’s in a row and win 16 cents! Who’s Marty Allen? Well, it’s someone whose likeness we got for cheap! Looks like the single deck black jack table is all full again. How about this $50 minimum multi-deck table? Oh, I see you’re a Fantasy fan. Then you’re really going to like this Lord of the Rings slot machine. Can you find the ring? If so, match 3 for the bonus!

Some of this, to me, is sweet justice to casinos. The actual gamblers are avoiding games that are so tilted toward the house it’s not worth it. So, while the high limit folks continue to have their own section, the rest figure they might as well be entertained while losing (or possibly making) money! It’s unnerving, walking past tables with attentive dealers. Checking, and checking again, and again, their chips and cards. They are completely ready. Quietly, they eye the moving clientele.

"What, you’re not good enough for this game? Oh, you’re wondering where the bowling alley is, Megabucks? It’s next to the food court. (sigh) What time do I get off?"

Happy St. Patrick’s Day in June?!

Upon returning, it’s been another cruel start to the summer out here. It’s even crueler near the beach, where I make deals. You’d think that would be idyllic: summertime, beach, and Lowenbrau. But each day in Santa Monica is met with temps and weather fit for March Madness, not summertime gold. By months end, 28 of the 30 days will show below average temps. The average? 72-75 degrees. That might not mean a lot to YOU, but I didn’t buy beer brats and kool-aid because I thought it was March. It’s because it’s fucking SUMMER. Of course, it will be 88 in November, and we’ll rejoice. But is there ever a season where you want it to be what it should be like summer?! Of course not. We gotta heat up. Ah, Potsy’s box o BBQ sauces has arrived. Get that grill going.