The case of the Depressed Dentist

For decades I went to swanky medical offices in Beverly Hills for my dental needs.  It wasn't the address or neighborhood that was the pull, more that I liked the guy and service.  It was without pretention, and he was more interested in honesty than making money.  

After a while, though, in moves and such, traffic has evolved to be much, much worse.  From Dealville to there and back, with appointment, was a nearly 3-hour affair, and I don't have that kind of time.  I also began to notice, on my way to the canyon of least resistance to get over there, that I passed maybe 10 dentist offices on the drive.  That's not helping.  As appointments moved closer towards lunch hour, and the more snark they gave me that they're "working through lunch", I tired of this whole affair.

So, in a difficult call, I said I had to go somewhere closer.  It's not you (or me), it's the traffic.  It's untenable.  A few months afterwards, he sent emails saying I was behind on appointments.  I had to write back politely reminding him of the issue.  After a false start, I found a dentist nearby that I like, and I thought that was that...

At the end of July, I received a long, meandering message from this old dentist.  All I could think of was a desperate ex.  "Hey, haven't talked to you in a while.  I was just thinking of you and wondered what you're up to.  I don't know if you're with someone new or not but figured I'd see if you want to get together to catch up."  That was the tone:

"It's been a couple years since we've seen you."  "If you're nostalgic for Roxbury Drive and my hygienist, I thought you might want to try coming back again.  It happens.  Anyway..."

Needless to say, I was surprised.  "I guess I gotta call him back.  That's weird, though." I told the women formerly known as Smiley.  Then again, her dentist is all about the money, so what does she know?  My immediate call back didn't happen soon enough, it seems, which I suppose is on me (and my reluctance to remind him, again, politely, of why I go to a different dentist...again).  I received a longer message on Tuesday:

"I think I left a message last week.  You haven't been in here in quite a while.  I think you're visiting someone else.  I don't remember the reason."

Uh oh.  This isn't going to be easy, is it?

"If you've gone elsewhere and you're happy, that's important.  You should stay.  If you're not satisfied, you're welcome to come back.  We never close the door on good patients."

This went on for another minute.

"If we're not here and just leave a message saying, 'this is Trip Darvez saying I'd like to come back or I'm happy where I am'.  I have your chart in our open file, but I don't want to keep it there if you're not planning on coming back.  But...we miss you and we'd love to see you back."

Now I'm dreading this and while I know what to do, I don't want to do it.  It wasn't going to go away on its own, though.  THE NEXT DAY, another message.

"I left a couple of messages.  I thought you'd be kind enough to call me back.  Just checking to see how you're doing and if you're seeing another office and are happy."  Ugh.  "If you're really not interested, I understand. It's kinda rude not to call back when someone asks you to.  I thought you were a nice person.  So...thanks a lot.  Goodbye."

Why is this happening to me?!  As the week ended, I realized:

1. As many people do, particularly seniors: they willfully, specifically "forget" things

2. They need to be reminded of said things while they will act as though they've never heard it

3. You just have to endure this pain.

Saturday morning, bracing, I called.  I figured I'd get him somehow without patients at the time.  It rang and rang.  The call was forwarded to another number.  It, too, rang and rang.  I eventually got his voicemail.

Now I had to leave a long message.  I had to reiterate, over and over, the same reasons why that were communicated many, many times.  

When I hung up, I left not refreshed or relieved but still bewildered.  Sure, this could've been an email or text, but that wouldn't bring guilt, would it?  But why me?  Why years later?  He's a great dentist but...I just...

All morning long I've looked over at my phone, fearing...wondering..."Hi Trip, I got your message, but..."  Is it safe?  He might say "I can't tell you something's safe or not unless I know specifically what you're talking about."  He knows.  Do I have to make an appointment to tell him again?