The Academy of Global Golden Awards

I am saying this with complete confidence: things are really fucking good right now. I've said they're good in the past, and maybe it was, but it hasn't been this good in a long time. Checks being cashed, ideas flowing like a poorly made batch of pudding, a wonderful lady who exceeds my expectations at every turn, I couldn't ask for much more. But that didn't stop us from unknowingly attending an award show on Sunday. Actually it was a wake...we were incorrectly dressed for the occasion, but what's new?

I'm not really a red carpet kind of guy - mostly because I don't know where to park. We did some shopping in the mall and then wandered over to the Cafetorium where the prizes were on display. The accountants had wisely turned these statues backward so the already engraved winners' names were not showing. We were peaceful and a little nervous...but for some reason I thought I heard someone converse about college basketball. The lady was willing to indulge me, and I looked out to see who it was. By the time I arrived the convo had ended and I saw Regis Himself talking to someone I didn't initially recognize. And then this legend turned to me and chastised me for NOT CHEERING COME ON YOU SEE WHO'S HERE?! Some sort of usher told me who she was and then it rang a bell: Disnergy. I had a grimace on my face that she noticed. "Some days, it just don't pay to get up." It was my luck she didn't recognize a Barris quote (why would she?) and took it as something else. We disappeared in a barren balcony about 2000 feet away from the action.

Upon returning we kept looking for familiar faces...and didn't see many. At first we chalked that up to new nominees. But we kept looking...

"This is really sad," I said. We were sympathetic to a point, but did get to see some interesting moments.

• The director fall asleep in the control room. No one else noticed. But I was a tad stunned that the producer of the show was winning the "Dick Ebersol 20th Century Production in the 21st Century" award. Immediately following this excitement we went and ate tasty burgers. It turns out we missed nothing.

• During the fourth montage we found a bottle of organic wine in a swag basket and enjoyed it...talking about everything and nothing. No one noticed and we also couldn't figure out why regular wine isn't organic, too.

• While the lady was in the powder room, I briefly thought about how this award show had all gone wrong. Is it all too much or is it not enough? That's a pretty good phrase that doesn't say anything. Few real stars, too much coverage? Remember when there was only 1 TV show that dealt with this? And 1 magazine? And that's was fine?

• We both think Marion Cotillard should be in a constant stream of films just so we can see her. Or we are willing to adopt her.

Now, the rest of the night was good, into the morning. I was exhausted but willing to play 48 because that's my thing...but dankness hung over my monitoring cell.

"bbbsssszzzzzzwellthisislow....zzzzzbbbnoonewatched."

Look, when Disnergy is out of control, and studios will spend and spend on the "Summer Thrill Ride" and these small divisions keep churning out great films...when no stars show up unless they're nominated...when the directing looks like a police line-up...what? But they want an edgy host! Last time that happened, Chris Rock laid shit down. Haven't seen him back. Last time before that? Letterman, who made fun of everyone. Can't have that. Dave said "Forrest Gump said life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get. Unless you're sitting next to Roger Ebert, where you know you're not going to get anything." You can't make fun of these people, unless they are arrested.

Steve Simpson is 1/4th or so around the world, and as we study his enjoyment the discussions are numerous and many. There IS TV in Hawaii, you know. It exists everywhere and ol Trip could make some scratch here and there. This is talk, it is early, but this happens when the only one left who needs some proof is yourself.