No tricks, all treats, another ring

World Champions?!  I can't believe it!  World Champions!  You say "you had the best record in the league - what do you mean 'I can't believe it'" - I just...(shakes head)

(Whoa - 1 blog post the day after another, what is this, the 2000s?)

OK, well let's go back to the 2000s.  As you watched that decade end, and if you watched the Dodgers into the next decade, one with a team slowly getting better and then oh so close in the playoffs, and woeful managers, losing more 1-run games than you can remember, you'll just have to believe me: I NEVER and I repeat NEVER thought in my life I'd hear the phrase "the strength of the Dodgers is their bullpen."  The very phrase "thank Christ it's over" replaced the baseball phrase "save" for this very reason.  If you are winning by 5 runs in the 9th and win the game by 1, that should not be listed as a "save."  That is "thank Christ it's over" because of the clown car in the outfield that seemingly would get dizzy for 7 innings and then show up to serve balloons to the other team.

And I said woeful managers because we'd get so close to the World Series and then just...but then that hurdle was crossed.  And once we were cheated, yes, we all know that.  But the following year we returned, and we were playing a better team, but we had a chance to even things and said manager gave it all away.  But 2020 comes around, a weirdo baseball season, and a championship is won!  It might have been won because the other manager was worse but that's not our fault, is it?

Anyone who is a Dodger fan celebrated and remembered that 2020 championship.  Then there's the brainworm crowd, who labeled that "a Mickey Mouse championship" (don't know what that means, but OK) "didn't count" (like your last weigh-in, I'm sure), "fraud" (you're thinking of something else you got wrong in 2020) and on the list goes.  We swatted these comments away like one would a fly, and even when we went back to a "regular" season (one with "vaccinated sections") it was a good run, no complaints.  Besides, we just won it all last year.

2022 was a return to the ground with the same "curious" managing calls while San Diego (a team that's 80% mouth, 20% skill) won and wouldn't shut up about doing so.  The next year followed with a sensational diaper-filling against Arizona, grim faces abound.  "He doesn't know how to get the team ready for the playoffs" was the refrain.  It was smiles and dances in August as you beat Colorado in a meaningless game.  As seasons wear on, and the costs to watch the regular season games prohibitive, I looked from afar.  Again, working on dialing it back...why go all in, especially if the diaper will be filled so quickly?  We'll see, sure, but...

A-Roid said last night "can you believe some people wanted Dave Robers fired?"  Yeah, I can.  Do you watch Captain Hook?  "If we have that many pitchers on our roster, why not use 'em all?  I mean, every game, why not?" Dave thought.  That's one reason, Roid Freak.  Another would be just a few weeks ago we faced an elimination game and because nearly all starters were burned out or injured (Mark Prior, pitching coach, someone who should abso-fucking-lutely know about saving your arm from injury and not overdoing it and pacing yourself, I'm fucking looking at you) Dave said "well, ok, Bullpen Game."  What the hell?!

The Dodgers won that game 8-0.  Here's how the Bullpen Game went:

That's 8 pitchers in 9 innings, 7 hits, no runs, 8 strikeouts.  That went perfectly.  That's a word that is used often, maybe too much, but it was perfect.  Again, you've watched a team for years and years have a shit bullpen, no one you ever really felt you could count on, and...my god man.

The series clincher, a 2-0 grinder, got the shit monkey off of Dave's (and everyone else's) back.  Once that happened, well, bring it on.  The bullpen is winning games, at least 1 star play is showing up each game and Tommy Edman out of nowhere is Babe Ruth.  And then here it is - a World Series?  Against the Yankees?!  

It's clinched in the Bronx, like in '81.  When we had Nando.  The tale is written in history, and its future is so done.

San Fernando, we do this for you.  We look skyward as you used to when you pitched.  Coming together, fighting back, for you.  Freddie Freeman and his Paul Bunyan Balls, he sends pitches screaming out of the yard.  Otani can damn near tear his shoulder, but he's not sitting anything out.  The team turns at-bats into marathons.  They leg out ground balls because who knows, someone might forget to cover 1st base.  They run out fly balls because someone just might drop the thing.  

For myself, and to the world, I need to let something go.  I need to accept something and just get it out, and that is that.  

(Begins playing "Chariots of Pumpkins" from the Halloween III soundtrack)

Dave Roberts, manager, has won 2 World Series for the Dodgers.  Could and should the team have won more?  Probably, but shoulda, coulda, woulda.  This ends the talk, at least from me.  He's shut me up.  He went to the mound last night and put his chips in on the bullpen, specifically Blake Treinen.  It worked again.  I exalted.  Last night, the team, the organization, its fans all celebrated a championship.  Dave, however, was the winner.  My worn-out Dodger cap is tipped to him.  My mouth, for you Dave, forever closed.  

I can open it to finish the champagne with OJ this morning, right?  Why waste it?

Top 50 Trash Horror Films of the 1980's: #15-11

Not only are we entering the shank of horror viewing in a calendar year (though, to be fair, any time is the right time), but we are also entering even more known (and theatrical) titles.  This won't slow me down, of course.  For those of you finding this randomly:

#50-#46

#45-#41

#40-#36

#35-#31

#30-#26

#25-#21

#20-#16

#15 - The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)

Poster of Theatrical Release: Close your eyes for a second...and sleep forever.

Since this is a theatrical film, I won't go as in-depth with this one.  I think I saw it decades ago but had little memory of it.  I thought it was all right.  I liked how much of Mar Vista we see - makes me miss the old bowling alley and diner I used to hit all the time.

"I've got some provisions for the party tonight!"

"What are provisions?"

"You know, Doritos, No-Doz, Bennies, Crystal Meth."

#14 - Don't Panic (1987)

Back of VHS box: Don't PANIC...a terrifying journey into a forbidden world.  And for two young people it is a journey that will twist and scar their minds forever.  The powers of darkness gather, and nothing can stop the orgy of devastation they will unleash.  Evil satanic rites.  Human sacrifice.  The ancient secrets of the occult.  And as their fear reaches its shattering climax, the horrifying final blow is delivered.  Don't PANIC...pure evil.

We often bemoan, and rightly so, how Saturday Night Live has devolved into a show where everything is shot like a police line-up, with people reading straight into a cue card.  Now imagine this with people who clearly lack acting experience.  Add the story moving with the subtlety of a frying pan to the face.  

There've been a LOT of movies with a Quiji board as part of the plot, or even the main focus of a movie.  There will be more in the future, I'd wager.  This is one of them.  I will give bonus points for the bit early on where Michael is on his BMX bike & jumps into a bike rack, knocking all of them over while an 80s guitar riff plays.

To quote Donovan Brandt, "Everybody likes movies.  That's why it's a great thing to talk about.  'I love that movie!'  'Oh, I didn't like that.'"  I know this is all subjective, but how did this end up so high on the list?

#13 - Frozen Scream (made in the 70s, home video companies said 1980, 1981, or 1983)

Back of VHS box: (Only found re-releases that dump on its quality...the original scan from the early 80s was illegible)

It's all here - multiple narrators, 16mm, re-purposed synth, voiceover acting to match foreign learning language cassettes, pacing that matches southern California traffic.  This is the kind of shit Mike & I would find at video stores and rent on VHS box alone...we'd goof on it, likely only watch half of it, maybe think about re-using a clip on Night by Night and then cue up the next one.  

"Judgement Day!  Time to pay your dues!"

#12 - Don't Go in the Woods (1981)

Back of VHS box: Four young campers, Craig, Peter, Ingrid and Joannie, back-pack through the mountains for a relaxing weekend in the wilderness.  They enter a forest which becomes denser and darker as they progress.  Peter and Ingrid fear they are lost.  The brush moves and something is there.  Suddenly a large form rushes toward.  A wide machete gleaming in the light falls fast.  Craig slops dead to the ground.  Peter and the others flee screaming into the forest.  The rest of the day and terrifying night is spent running and hiding from the maniac murderer who is constantly in pursuit.

Again, we goof on VHS boxes written by people who clearly haven't seen the movie, and there are those who just give the whole damn thing away.

Well, how about this?  The cooper black font.  The swanky synth.  The no-star cast (as I've mentioned in other reviews) getting separation:

Oh, I'm sorry: everyone gets called out?!

The dirty film transfer!  The vertigo-inducing "cinematography."  The "maybe on purpose, maybe not" stunts.  The totally random edits.  The come and go characters.  

Synth sound effects for wolf howls.  A wooden train whistle toy signifying a "train" nearby.  Moog sounds to lighten the mood.

People talking over each other.  No inflection in dialogue.  Someone roller-skating on uneven pavement.

"Be careful, Dick!"

"Dick?  Dick?!"

It's dusk, it's midnight, it's sunset, it's daytime, it's morning...all within 10 seconds.  Sped-up film.  A chase scene in a field nowhere near where the previous scene was filmed.  Having a "score to settle" with a fellow camper and then doing so by closing them in a sleeping bag up a tree for a human pinata.

Let me make it plain: this is a bad movie.  It's awful, but it's not trying to be as bad as it is - it just fails at each and every decision.  Yowzer.  This is the kind of film that belongs on this list.  What a dizzy movie.  Seriously, I'm going outside for a walk after this one.  

#11 - Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

Poster of Theatrical Release: You've made it through Halloween.  Now try and survive Christmas.

We all know this one - as a matter of fact, I remember seeing a screening at the New Beverly long ago with director Charles Sellier in the audience.  I wrote about it somewhere - I thought here, but I guess not.  The movie itself is its own thing: it is going for the shocks in many different ways, pretty much delivering on all of them under the guise of a horror plot.  So much of what Sellier said that night, burned into my brain, is all on the Wikipedia page, so I won't bother re-hashing it here.  However, one thing that stayed with me that isn't mentioned is an anecdote that Sellier told (and it's possible I could be applying this to another film, but I don't think so): 

(SPOILERS)

Sellier is at either a preview screening or an actual screening on that lone weekend in theaters to get the feeling of the audience reaction.  So, we know the scene where Billy finds the young couple in bed and takes care of them, you have a little girl, Cindy, who is apparently also in the house and comes out of her room awake.  As Billy asks Cindy if she's been naughty or nice, a woman stood up and yelled "IF HE KILLS THAT GIRL, I'M WALKIN' OUT THIS THEATER!"  Charles put his head in his hand.  "What have I done?!" he thought to himself.  This anecdote brought a hearty laugh to those of us at the New Beverly ~ 20 years ago.  I'm sure it made him laugh too, looking back at it.  But at the time, and all the shit he had to deal with it, I can't help but think that was an all too real, 100% honest reaction.  Whatever the intentions were for the movie, for him and his career, and then the response is...well, what it was...how else can you respond but with "what have I done?!"  

It's from Tri-Star.  A theatrical production.  Is it trash?  I guess, but for something that made such a mainstream reaction, for better or (as it turned out for them) much worse, it doesn't really feel like it belongs on this list.  

I'm almost done with this list.  I'm also going insane.  I just want you to know I'm aware of it.