Ring of Bologna

In the industry that dominates Dealville, you have many types of personalities.  There are the true Dealmakers: those who can make things happen anywhere and everywhere...from someone's couch, to a long lunch at a swanky restaurant.  In their meetings, there are a lot of smiles, nods, and "yes, I agree."  There are also the soldiers: the ones who play 48 each day, some overpaid, some underpaid, but they know what's really going on.  This is helpful when trying to land a new job, because you can give the inside view.

But oh, the loathsome phony.  I'm not talking about the Salinger "phony" who is just a general prick, and will never make it halfway to the lofty goals already achieved in his or her head.  I speak today of the person in entertainment who simply has no fucking clue how things work or what is going on, but clings desperately to a self-belief that if it wasn't for their presence, things would cease to be.

Now you might read this and say "Sure, Trip.  That kind of person is at my work, too."  That is true.  I remember long ago Jake writing about such a person back when he wrote.  Since the shakes set in again, I have to guess he retired.  (Editor's Note: We do receive submissions from Jake around late March every year, with the topic usually "Wake Forest to the Final Four")  The difference would be in another industry, the person is usually a blithe spirit...so harmless and confused that most don't care.  That is, until said person gets yet another promotion and everyone shakes their heads.

Dealville's phony is quite the breed, and the stuff of characture.  In a town when most people are looking for "great job!" as honest feedback, where everyone thinks they have an inside track, these folks have two actual tracks:

1. "Work" constantly to keep all plates spinning.  Make everyone you know think you're working with someone else...who thinks you're working with someone else...
2. Don't do any work at all but consistantly remind everyone that you did all the work.

The first person will be around and contact folks sporadically.  You will hear from them how "Things are taking place" and "It's just a matter of time."  After two months, you realize another deal that was imminent turned out not to work.  Just as you delete their last e mail, you receive another contact about how "It's looking to shape up soon."  These folks trend to prey on those even lower on the star ladder because what they're doing appears to be so impressive.

The second person is all bluster - the type anyone can spot a mile away.  If they're nearsighted?  They spot them right as they hear this sleaze begin to talk.  Everything is in generalities.  Few specifics are naturally given because they know none.  Large projects are discussed and framed as if they are telling you about the topic, when, as the conversation grows, it is clear they are unfamiliar.  It is wise to not involve these people in any aspects of your life.  Avoiding them is your safest bet. but that doesn't mean they aren't around.  You can see them trying to fool others.  They talk to those more uninformed than they, and usually younger: trying desperately to appear as a "Seen-it-all" legend who in all likelihood has been dumped and fired multiple times.  Their only known topic (themselves) is a favorite.

I could go on, but it's against human nature to want someone to fail for no other reason than they're bad at their job.  It's not YOUR company, of course.  Yet it stings the brain whenever you hear money discussed and standing there at the edge of your tongue is "I know how we can get some fast cash!  Dump that sod and save 6 figures!"  Maybe, in a way, that's chump change.